I spent a lot of time in the early months of Angie's life trying frantically to balance the needs of a newborn with the demands of work. Although I was only teaching two classes, they required a minimum of 6 hours of preparation a week each (including planning lectures and grading homework and writing exams), making me frantic to find enough time to do it all and prepare dinner too! I was often resentful when Angie would wake after a 45 minute nap only to need my constant attention, not allowing me to get the other things done that I needed to do. I spent many of her waking hours trying to sneak in prep time for work and not being very successful, thereby increasing my frustration and resentment. And all the while, I felt like I was failing with her too, because I was not giving her my undivided attention.
When this semester started, I made a concerted effort to figure out how to balance it all. It occurred to me that "sneaking in prep time" while Angie was awake was just not going to happen and so I should quit trying and just enjoy my time with her. Relaxed now, I can happily frolic with her at the park or in our back yard for however long she likes; read her books; roll a ball with her; chase her around the living room on my hands and knees while she giggles hysterically and runs both from and to me at the same time. It's a joy, not a headache. I spend nap time and bedtime doing the work I need to do. I don't get up early because I stay up late and I figure if I try to do both I'll be really cranky. I can start dinner while she's awake and engaged in solitary play.
It's nice to get it figured out, finally, and to feel like I'm doing good things for all of us. Although the papers don't always get graded exactly on time, I'm doing a pretty good job of it. And I've made a few teaching adjustments that require less time for me to prepare than before.
I'm happy. Angie's happy. Hopefully, we'll stay that way!
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